Stephen Colbert continued winding down his run on CBS’ “Late Show,” with his penultimate show on Wednesday where he brought a viral segment to a close with the help of many A-list stars.
The 62-year-old comedian took over for David Letterman in September 2015, though one of his most popular segments – the “Colbert Questionert” – debuting in January 2021.
The segment features 15 questions, with Meryl Streep answering them first in that debut sequence, with viral responses from the likes of Prince Harry, Keanu Reeves and many more over the last five years.
Now that his time in late-night is drawing to an end, with Thursday’s secretive finale, Colbert finally answered all 15 questions himself, with a slew of talented folks asking them to him, all introduced by John Dickerson.
Comedy legend Billy Crystal came out to ask the first question: “What is the best sandwich?”
Colbert’s answer was two-fold, insisting that in the summer, it’s a, “tomato sandwich on very thin white bread,” though that was not the case the rest of the year.
“The rest of the year, wherever you are, hot pastrami on rye with a little bit of mustard, and if the guy behind the counter is willing, little coleslaw. And if it’s not kosher deli, I’ll take a little muenster on there.”
“Weird” Al Yankovic was up next, asking what Colbert’s first concert was. It was Chuck Mangione, during his Children of the Sanchez tour.
Josh Brolin – who Colbert revealed is listed as “Wolf Boy” in his phone – then asked the host what the scariest animal was.
“The scariest animal to me is a trap door spider. Little sand, nothing wrong. They come out, and they pull you back in. Here’s the part that’s even scarier than that, Josh Brolin. A scientist named a trapdoor spider after me.”
A spider discovered on the coast of California in 2007 was named Aptostichus stephencolberti after the comedian in 2008.
Brolin also gave him a ship in a bottle that he got from ebay. It says “May you always glide through life’s sometimes tumultuous waters.”
Martha Stewart was next, asking the simple question: Apples or Oranges?
“Well, you can’t put peanut butter on an orange, so I’m gonna risk the wrath of the seraphim and say apple,” Colbert said.
Mark Hamil was next and asked if he had ever asked someone else for an autograph, and Colbert said he did, asking Steve Martin to sign something for him after a show they did.
Perhaps the most profound answer of the night came when comedian Jim Gaffigan asked, “What do you think happens when we die?”
“I think of it’s more like a feeling, I think there is some continuance of some kind, but it’s like a dispersion of ones self into some other greater being, and I don’t have any of feelings beyond that,” Colbert said.
Gaffigan then remarked, “What you’re saying is we become Febreze.”
Colbert also told Jeff Daniels that his favorite action movie was Raiders of the Lost Ark, and he revealed to Tiffany Haddish that he prefers aisle seats over window seats on planes because he has, “the bladder of a baby chipmunk.”
His wife Evie came out to ask his favorite smell, which he revealed was a “kai rose scented lotion” she wears when she’s getting ready to go out, adding, “I know when I smell that you’re in there wearing very little.”
His “Strangers With Candy” co-star Amy Sedaris asked what his least favorite smell was, and he revealed it was a scent he discovered at a neighbor’s house as a boy: a jar of grease that leaked into a bag of sugar, a scent he couldn’t describe, though he had, “never smelled anything that bad.”
Ben Stiller asked what his earliest memory was, which was a memory of his mother painting in his room when he was possibly three of four years old and he couldn’t speak yet.
“I remember what I was trying to tell her, and I was trying to tell her about the dream I had the night before,” about an albino alligator at the National Zoo in Washington D.C.
Aubrey Plaza asked simply, “Cats or Dogs,” two which Colbert replied, “I have lived with both of them,” before adding after a long pause, “Dogs.”
Robert De Niro asked the now-infamous question “What number are you thinking of?” which Colbert revealed the true answer to: three.
“Meryl Streep and Ethan Hawke guessed correctly. Three. That’s the number I was thinking of,” though De Niro added he though it would be 2.5 million, the number of Epstein Files trump hasn’t released.
Dickerson asks the last one – “How would you describe the rest of your life in five words?”
Colbert thoughtfully responded, “My family, my friends, fun.”
Colbert’s run on “The Late Show” ends Thursday night on CBS with an extended episode full of yet-to-be-announced guests.
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