Millie Mackintosh broke down in tears on Tuesday as she recalled being sexually assaulted as a schoolgirl while ‘blackout drunk’.
The former Made In Chelsea star, 36, said she has ‘carried so much shame’ since she was ‘taken advantage of’ while drunk at a party at the age of 14.
Millie, who went to boarding school in Dorset from the age of 10, admitted she ‘feels sad for the girl she was and the way she was treated’ and has had regression therapy to work through the trauma.
Speaking on the Rise with Roxie podcast, she said: ‘I didn’t realise it wasn’t my fault until in my 20s. There was a lot of anger there.
‘It’s really toxic to hold onto shame but I feel sad for the girl I was, the way I was treated, but letting go of the shame has let me stop drinking and out of that cycle.’
‘I’ve done some regression work which I have found really helpful, it’s like inner child work in deep relaxation, where you go in and go back to the memory.’
Millie Mackintosh broke down in tears on Tuesday as she recalled being sexually assaulted as a schoolgirl while ‘blackout drunk’
The former Made In Chelsea star, 36, said she has ‘carried so much shame’ since she was ‘taken advantage of’ while drunk at a party at the age of 14
Regression therapy involves revisiting past experiences to resolve current issues, using techniques like hypnosis or guided imagery to access subconscious memories of trauma, offering deep relief by processing them in a safe space.
Breaking down in tears, she recalled: ‘For me I went back into the house where it [the sexual assault] happened and carried my teen self out of the room and held her and told her it wasn’t her fault.’
Millie said she ‘buried’ what had happened to her due to feeling ’embarrassed’ because she was drunk but carried the shame for years afterwards.
She added: ‘Having not talked to my parents that night and getting picked up while drunk and just feeling hugely embarrassed, it was just never spoken about, they thought I was wasted, they wouldn’t grill me about what had happened because they knew I was embarrassed, and I never told them.
‘So I buried it, but held onto that shame for years and years which is really heavy.’
Millie went on to bravely recall the sexual assault and how she started to use binge drinking as an ‘escape and to mask the pain’.
‘The first time I got out of control blackout drunk was at 14 and I was sexually assaulted at a party’, she said.
‘I didn’t realise for years that I had been assaulted, I thought what had happened to me was my fault because I was drunk. I just carried so much shame.
Millie, who went to boarding school in Dorset from the age of 10, admitted she ‘feels sad for the girl she was’ and has had regression therapy to work through the trauma
She recalled: ‘For me I went back into the house where it [the sexual assault] happened and carried my teen self out of the room and held her and told her it wasn’t her fault’
Millie said she ‘buried’ what had happened to her due to feeling ’embarrassed’ because she was drunk but carried the shame for years afterwards
‘I went back to boarding school the next day feeling the shame and humiliation and I didn’t talk about it and I just buried it. I thought it was my fault.
‘It created more of those feelings of insecurity and not liking myself and wanting to escape and drinking became a way to mask that pain.’
‘Sadly, this is quite common for young people who go through some kind of traumatic event, you repeat that behaviour over and over again. So getting blackout drunk, being vulnerable, being in dangerous situations and putting myself in situations which weren’t safe and being taken advantage off.’
Millie revealed she thought it was ‘normal’ to get blackout drunk and this became her new ‘act’ and personality among her school friends.
She reflected: ‘Looking back I can see how that affected the rest of my teens, I was desperate to find love and validation and find a boyfriend but I would go out partying and be a mess and I would attract the wrong guys.
‘The pattern that happened so quickly was binge drinking and by the time I was 16 I would drink a small bottle of vodka before I even went to a party and then would just top up at the party because I was already wasted.
‘I thought getting blackout drunk and not remembering the end of the night was normal.
‘I became the butt of all the jokes because I was the one who had gone too far or done something crazy, but I was getting attention because people were like, “Millie has a story to tell”. It was like an act and that’s what I thought people expected from me.
‘I had to really look at why I didn’t love myself. When I stopped drinking, I had to really work on myself and figure out who I am without alcohol but also, why did I binge drink and what was I running from.’
‘It’s really toxic to hold onto shame but I feel sad for the girl I was, the way I was treated, but letting go of the shame has let me stop drinking and out of that cycle’, she said
Millie went on to bravely recall the sexual assault and how she started to use binge drinking as an ‘escape and to mask the pain’
On Monday, it was revealed Millie and husband Hugo Taylor have split after seven years of marriage.
The couple, who met as teenagers, first dated during E4’s Made In Chelsea and married since June 2018, had split after ‘deciding they were better apart after serious conversations’.
Sources close to the pair say they remain committed to co-parenting their young children, Sienna, five, and Aurelia, four, who continue to be their priority.
A source revealed: ‘Millie and Hugo are currently going through a separation and have sadly decided to split. They have known each other for many years, and in recent weeks, have had serious conversations about their future, ultimately deciding it’s better for them both to part ways….
‘Their main priority remains their children and family life, and separating is not something they ever hoped would happen…
‘At present, they are considering what living apart might look like and how they plan to navigate co-parenting their young children. It’s been an incredibly difficult start to the year, and one they hope to continue managing in private.’
Millie travelled to India last week to attend a wellness retreat designed to ‘heal’ the nervous system while Hugo was on a skiing holiday.
During her stay, the reality star, who was pictured without her wedding ring, shared several posts alluding to a new chapter in her life.
On Sunday, she posted a quote that read: ‘You don’t always have to know what comes next in your journey.
‘Sometimes you just need to be where you are and know that it’s okay to be there. There is so much beauty in accepting yourself, right here, in this moment.
‘No matter what you are working towards, I hope you can always remember that finding peace in the present moment is just as important as the path ahead.’
On Monday, it was revealed Millie and husband Hugo Taylor have split after seven years of marriage after ‘deciding they were better apart after serious conversations’
In 2013, the heiress married rapper Professor Green, 42, but the couple divorced in 2016, the same year she rekindled her relationship with Hugo.
The pair tied the knot two years later and welcomed their first daughter, Sienna, in 2020, followed by Aurelia in 2021.
Hugo later shared his love and admiration for Millie, admitting he had been ‘obsessed’ with his wife from the moment they met.
On Instagram, he wrote: ‘Love is pure happiness, obsession, someone you can’t live without. I’ve felt this way about you since the day we met over 20 years ago. Happy Valentine’s Day.’
Millie responded to his declaration by calling him her ‘life partner’ and saying how they couldn’t live without each other.
To celebrate their first year of marriage, Hugo wrote Millie a love letter, which she framed and later shared on Instagram. In it, he penned: ‘I am so proud of you.
‘For 365 days you have shown me what true love really is. By the strength of you character the humility of your spirit and generosity of your soul, you have raised up our marriage to heights I never thought would be possible.
‘You have led us with courage and fortitude through tumultuous and difficult times to be stronger than I ever could have imagined. I have learnt from you that one never gives up in working to build a life together.
‘I promise to the day I die, I will never take you for granted, never stop trying to make every year of our lives together as happy as our first together to never let you down and always give you what you deserve.’
If you have been affected by this story contact alcohol anonymous: 0800 917 7650 / help@aamail.org and sexual abuse support line on: 0808 500 2222
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