When local singer-entrepreneur Taufik Batisah tied the knot with Sheena Akbal, her father had joked, “No refunds, no return policy.”
A recent episode of podcast Couch Conversations, uploaded to YouTube on June 26, started off on a lighthearted note as the couple, who has been married for 11 years, bantered before landing on the topic: What actually keeps a marriage strong long term?
“Marriage involves a lot of tests that do not end. This is where it depends on both parties to understand that we will continue to make mistakes,” said 44-year-old Taufik.
You may see your partner annoying you, having habits you dislike repeatedly, he added.
“But what I think you need to understand or work towards understanding is that once you’re married, you’re a team. You’re one unit,” he said.
“When one is angry at another, when you argue and think that you’ve won the argument, no one really wins.”
Taufik added he’s still working on himself: “You have to put your ego aside.”
‘The changes don’t always need to be bad’
Taufik owns the restaurant brand Chix Hot Chicken, interior design company Ivory Cove and co-runs Batisah Realtors.
Sheena, 42, is his manager, meaning they see each other “every waking hour”.
While some couples may feel they’ve lost their spark after being together for so long, for them, Sheena feels there’s “more love”.
“I definitely love you more now,” she told Taufik, who agreed: “I love you way more now.”
Sheena then stressed to viewers: “The changes don’t always need to be bad. Just align yourself to each other… We always check in with each other every now and then.”
She advised couples to voice out things they are unhappy about “as soon as possible instead of letting negative emotions fester”, admitting she used to do the latter.
She initially thought she had to be more understanding at the expense of how she felt.
“I realised that’s not good because I started to resent you a little bit. I would be like, ‘Why don’t you (Taufik) understand? Why are you like this?'” she explained.
Taufik admitted this is “something a lot of guys don’t understand”.
“We really do need help with this, because as much as it sounds like a joke on the internet, we can’t read women’s minds,” he said.
What he thinks would help is to be told what action they need to take and what they’re lacking: “Basically help us help you.”
Fighting over ‘stupid things’
With a marriage spanning over a decade, Taufik and Sheena admitted they’ve had their fair share of arguments.
Taufik said they “always fight over the stupidest things”, recently arguing over Sheena not doing social media content.
“After that I was out driving and I thought, ‘What’s wrong with me? What are we even arguing about?’ So I came back home,” he recalled.
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He laughed as he admitted the reconciliation only happened the next day, as Sheena interjected to share how she gave him the silent treatment.
“I realised it was so silly… because I kind of instigated it, [I realised] if I don’t say sorry, it’s just going to go on. We’re both going to lose,” said Taufik, before adding: “The bigger picture is the years of us building whatever that we have.”
syarifahsn@asiaone.com
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