Jessi, a veteran of the K-pop music scene, is opening up about her new album, P.M.S., or Pretty Mood Swings, and how she’s feeling after a tough year.
The 37-year-old New York native is energized to speak, stopping by The Hollywood Reporter’s L.A. office during a recent press trip. In addition to speaking about the new album — which she says is a way to show fans the different sides of herself — Jessi is sharing how she’s feeling for the first time after a controversy stemming from an alleged assault between a fan and someone who was reported to be connected to someone in her party at the time of the incident.
“Obviously, it was a really unfortunate situation, but I’m just so glad that it came to light and the truth came out,” Jessi says on the matter. “For me, obviously it was hard because I didn’t have a voice to speak, you know.”
Below, Jessi speaks with THR about P.M.S., why she wants to make her fans feel confident with her music and how she’s coping after a feeling like she didn’t have a voice to speak her thoughts.
Can you tell me about your new EP?
P.M.S., [or] pretty mood swings, is my new album name. I’ve been taking a break for a year, and it’s just pretty much all my moods in this album. That’s why I named it Pretty Mood Swings. A lot of emotions and different types of moods. Being a bad girl, a bad B [but] also being vulnerable and being very sentimental. There’s a girly side.
I wanted normalize mood swings because people look at it as almost a negative thing. When people say mood swings, they’re like, “Oh my gosh, she has mood swings.” People kind of look down on it, but I think it should be very normalized because we all go through it, and it’s normal.
It’s really interesting to hear you talk about these different sides to yourself because I do think for a lot of your career, you’ve have a very distinct public persona of being, for lack of a better term, a bad bitch. What is like to get a bit more vulnerable?
We’re all going through life changes, right? And I’m getting older, getting more mature, growth, just living life. That’s why I wanted, for this album in particular [to show my fans that] this is not all of it. I feel like my fans deserve it. I owe it to myself. I owe it to my fans. I feel like they wanted to know what I’ve been through, and I think this was the perfect time for me to share a different genre of music.
I always have to make a bad bitch song (like title song “Girls Like Me”) because for me, I always try to empower women to be confident. Even if you aren’t always confident, it’s a reminder that you can listen to this song and feel confident. That’s the beauty of music, and that’s why I love doing music. I that’s something that I’ve authentically just done. It wasn’t like somebody told me to do it.
As a kid, I think that was the only thing I would write about. I think it was also a reminder to myself. Some days are good, some days are shit, right? But at the end of the day, I’m still human. Because of my fans, I’m here. I ain’t shit without my fans. I am nobody without my fans, so I keep wanting to constantly remind that with my music that you’re still that bad B.
Do you think just naturally over time you started to write about the softer side of yourself?
Yeah [because] I’m not always loud. See, that’s the thing. That’s the persona that you get on television because I’m also an entertainer. What you see is what you get. I am very outspoken, and I always will stand up for myself, because nobody’s going to stand up for me. That’s why I always have this aura and stuff like that. But I’m also human, I have emotions, I have feelings. I go through mood swings. There’s pros and cons to it because it’s like having this aura of being Jessi and everyone’s like, “She’s so strong,” but sometimes I’m not strong. Sometimes I want to go home and have someone to cry to. When they see that side of me, they don’t know what to do.
I’ve been through a lot in life, and I had to really ground myself. Even if I fell, I knew how to get back up. That’s one thing that I’m really blessed with with my family because I had a lot of tough love growing up, and I was never handed a silver spoon when I was in Korea. I was almost an outcast out there too. Even though I’m Korean, I’m American at the same time. For them they were like, “Oh, who is this loud girl?” Whatever. It didn’t really work out in the beginning. But after 10 years of bloodshed and tears of work, it worked out, so I believe that everything has a timing, a place. I’m just really grateful for every moment. I’m still learning till this day, and I’m growing and learning and just living life.
You’ve had a lot of different labels throughout your career, made changes and you’ve seen a lot of different facets of this industry. Now, you’re working as an independent artist, which I imagine given some of the labels you had been a part of and understanding they run, is probably a really nice feeling to have more agency.
Well, you have to [remember] I was 14 [when I signed with an agency]. At that time, I had like a nine-year contract.
Wow.
I’ve been through five or six companies. I’ve done all my time in [each] company. A lot of people think like, “Oh my God, why does she keep switching companies?” For me, I only live once. I’m not going to stay in one company for the rest of my life. I want to grow. I want to see what’s out there. I’m a lot more aware of everything, what’s going on. When I’m in a company, not by choice, but I just kind of catch [on to] things real fast. When it comes to music videos, creative stuff, I’m very hands-on with everything.
I think after it was P Nation, that’s when I really figured out … He still wanted to work with me, but I was like, “You know what? Oppa, let me shine. Let me go out there. If I fail, I fail, but at least I could tell myself that I did it.” He really respected that side because he was like, “You know what? I was like that too. It’s going to be hard, Jess, but for me, I feel like you’re going to be able to do it.” For me, I’m just really thankful in a sense because a lot of people, they just look at the narrative and be like, “Oh my God, she keeps switching.” It’s not because I was a problem. I left. I did all my time. I’m just about learning new things. I like taking risks, challenges and stuff like that.
I know you’ve had a pretty difficult time over the past year. How do you feel right now? I assume what you’ve been going through can take a mental toll on you.
For sure.
You probably don’t feel super motivated to work at times when you have a lot of other things going on.
This is actually the first time I actually talked about this. I get emotional. I feel like narratives change. People kind of see something, and they’ll change the narrative. You know how the internet is these days, and just the world. Obviously, it was a really unfortunate situation, but I’m just so glad that it came to light and the truth came out. For me, obviously it was hard because I didn’t have a voice to speak, you know.
Sorry, this is my first time talking about it. (Tearing up).
No, it’s fine. Take your time.
I knew the day would come, someone [was] going to bring it up. But I wanted someone to bring it up.
I assume you wanted to have a voice.
Yeah and because I’m such a vocal person. The fact that I wasn’t able to speak about this, I think it was eating me alive. That’s why I had to take a year off. I had to take a step back and realize life is unfair. However, it is what it is. I have to keep pushing through, and I think that was my fans who motivated me to be stronger. They saw the truth. Even though I am innocent, people are going to take the narrative and take it wherever they want to. Even if the truth is out there, they’re going to still stick with their narrative, you know?
Yeah.
At the end of day, there’s really no winning in that sense. It was a very unfortunate situation, for sure. But I’m just glad that I have my fans who supported me throughout the whole situation and really flooded me with so much support and love.
I’m not in the best place, obviously. I’m not mentally in the best place. I’m a very vocal person, like I said. I always stick up for myself. But I was in a very situation where I wasn’t able to really talk about it because it was a lot of misunderstandings. It was kind of like a situation like, “If I talk about it, people are going to say this. If I don’t talk about it …” It was kind of like, maybe I should just step back for a second. Maybe I need to heal. I feel like some things happen for a reason as well too.
I’m definitely learning every day and growing and figuring out life. Even the people I hang out with or the people that are surrounding me. It’s growing. At the same time, I’m always a strong girl, but I don’t want to show this side to people because it’s a very … It’s not a sensitive topic. However, it just got misconstrued, and everything got all like … The narrative kept changing, and it was just weird. I’m glad the truth came to light, and I’m just still pushing through for my fans and the people who love me. This is just one little thing Leading to that, that’s why my album is called P.M.S., like my mood swings. You’ll see like a lot of different sides of me. I’m just trying to be a strong person right now, not going to lie.
It’s OK. I cry plenty, you don’t have to feel bad about that.
I feel like crying, though, is something that I was always scared of talking about, like crying and being vulnerable. I also think being a bad bitch, is admitting and being vulnerable, that’s such a strong thing.
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