Ramadan and Hari Raya Puasa are a time for Muslims to strengthen bonds with loved ones, relatives and friends.
But for Darren Mak, it can get a little lonely.
The 30-year-old spends most of the fasting and festive period by himself as he is the only Muslim in his Chinese household.
“It’s a family affair, right? In more traditional homes, the mum wakes up super early to prepare food for the family and even if you oversleep, you don’t have to be too worried because she will shake you until you wake up for your morning meal,” Darren told AsiaOne when we chatted with him.
“But for me, that doesn’t happen. I have to prepare the food on my own, I have to think about what food I’m going to get the day before, and on the day itself, if I oversleep, that’s it.”
On the first day of Hari Raya Puasa, he usually stays home by himself.
After Darren officially converted eight years ago, he tried going to the mosque for Eid prayer too.
But after a few times, he stopped going.
“People go with their family and I don’t have that. So, it kind of feels weird for me because it’s not like any other congregational prayer,” he explained.
“But for this event, if I go, it’s very in my face that I don’t have a family with me because everyone is with their own groups, with their own families.”
Though it is a lonely affair for Darren, who describes it as having the “holiday blues”, he said he has never thought twice about becoming a Muslim.
“Islam saved my life. I would not be here today without it. I would have died.”
It started with a dream
Darren found religion in one of the darkest times of his life when he was struggling with depression.
He shared that one night back when he was in junior college, he dreamt of the Kaaba, a stone building in the court of the Great Mosque at Mecca that is considered to be the most sacred site.
In the dream, he was looking at the Kaaba from a bird’s-eye view and a voice told him to lay down all his burdens and face the city of Mecca.
Feeling “spooked” by the dream, Darren began to study the religion and eventually decided to convert.
While he only converted some time in 2017, he started practising the religion a few years prior to that.
He also attempted partial fasting — which involved him occasionally drinking water — during Ramadan around two years before he officially became a Muslim.
“It was a ‘test the waters’ thing. I wanted to get a sense of what fasting was like,” he shared.
“It wasn’t so much of seeing if it was going to be a deal breaker for me. But rather, I felt that it was part of the process and I wanted to be exposed to it.”
Darren shared that the main struggle he had while fasting was not being able to drink water.
“Honestly, every single year, the biggest challenge is not the [lack of] food. It is the [lack of] water because you know how hot Singapore gets, it’s really a problem,” he admitted.
While Darren’s first Ramadan and Hari Raya Puasa after converting was a simple one, it was a significant occasion for him because it was “something new”.
“I read the Quran every morning after I had my morning meal,” he recounted.
Darren explained that the Quran consists of 30 juz’, which is Arabic for ‘parts’, and each part has varying lengths of text. So he would read one juz’ per day.
“It’s not mandatory but it is practice for some Muslims to read one juz’ per day for Ramadan because the [fasting] period is 30 days. So for the first year, that’s what I did because it was a very momentous period for me,” Darren said.
To help himself understand the Quran better, Darren also took Arabic classes back when he was still studying in the National University of Singapore.
“I’ve always been very inclined towards languages, Arabic in particular, because there was a religious push.”
Being ‘in between spaces’
While no one in Darren’s family is against him becoming a Muslim, they did not make any lifestyle changes after he converted.
Though Darren is not fussed about this, he shared that it does bring about some mealtime challenges during Ramadan.
“Even though I’m fasting and my family is non-Muslim, I still want to have meals with them,” he said.
“They don’t keep track of when I am fasting; it is not their obligation. So sometimes, they will arrange for dinner at 6pm [before I break fast].”
The exact time to break fast varies slightly from day to day, so to solve this, Darren tries suggesting having dinner at a later timing around 7.30pm.
While Darren has spent Hari Raya Puasa alone at home many times, over the years, some of his Muslim friends have opened up their home to him during the festive season.
“It’s still a bit awkward because I’m not family and it’s very glaring when I sit there [as] I’m not part of this family. But it’s a very kind gesture and I appreciate it a lot.” he said.
Despite his situation being difficult to navigate at times, Darren has come to terms with it.
“I don’t feel resentful about anything but it’s just that I know every year, it will be more or less the same until I really have my own family. Because it’s part and parcel of being somebody that’s kind of in between spaces.”
Preparing for Hari Raya
As a now-seasoned Muslim, Darren has prepared himself in advance for Ramadan.
When we spoke with him a few days before the fasting period began, he shared that he had already stocked his fridge with dates and was going to get milk too.
“I’ve been a Muslim for quite a few years now, so I very much know what to expect,” he said.
He also will be organising some community events with his company, Plan B, an online editorial and podcast company that discusses local and regional news.
During these events, the team will not just break fast with their listeners, but also discuss certain issues and understand each other better. Plan B will also be sponsoring the attendees’ food.
Something Darren hopes to do in the future is to be able to pay for the meals at a restaurant full of Muslims breaking fast.
“I want to get to a point where I’m able to kind of just turn around and say, I’m going to sponsor everybody’s meal for Iftar (fast-breaking evening meal) for that restaurant. I hope that one day I get to a position where I have the means to do it on a big scale,” he shared.
For those trying to convert to Islam, Darren wants to reassure you that you’re “not alone”.
“It can get very isolating sometimes, as with any process of moving between communities,” he said.
He shared that there are many support systems and networks for people to lean on.
“Yes, converting may feel a little bit foreign and uncomfortable, because you’re being exposed to a lot of new things. But at the end of day, we’re in Singapore. Generally, it’s a very safe space.
“People are generally respectful of religious differences, understanding and culturally sensitive as well. So I would say, just keep in mind that it’s really not that scary.”
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melissateo@asiaone.com
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