Former Enhypen member Heeseung revealed for the first time that he had cancer during his childhood.
In an interview with Weverse Magazine published today (Sept 4), he talked about how he was like in his younger days, before sharing his hardships back then.
“I was honestly really scatterbrained as a kid, always running around. Kind of a troublemaker?” said the idol, who re-debuted as a solo artiste with the stage name Evan.
“I was such a jokester with the older girls I got to know (at a temple) that sometimes I made them cry. But now I think it’s time I talked about this.”
Heeseung, who turns 25 next month, added he hadn’t brought this topic up since he became a singer.
“In fourth grade, I was diagnosed with malignant lymphoma. I kept coughing and at first I just figured it was a cold and didn’t think much of it. But then when I was playing football, I took four or five steps and suddenly couldn’t breathe. I found out at the hospital later that it was cancer,” he said.
A fourth grader would be around 10 years old.
According to the National University Cancer Institute Singapore, lymphoma is a type of cancer that starts in infection-fighting white blood cells called lymphocytes which are part of the body’s immune system.
He admitted that the treatment process wasn’t easy, but when he saw how his mother took care of him, he “wanted to put on a brave face for her”.
“When the hospital held events like talent shows for the patients, I’d play guitar and even host them. I dreamt of being a singer ever since I was six, but to be honest, back then I didn’t really have the mental bandwidth to even think about that,” he said.
Staying in the hospital, Heeseung said he would watch his friends pass away and think: “I want to live so badly, I want to go home.”
He went through chemotherapy and treatment but fitting back in with his friends wasn’t easy.
“I had a lot less energy, and since my hair was still growing back from chemo, I got teased a lot for it. My friends would be like, ‘What is that, grass? You’re like a monk.’ But I just took it because I wanted to fit in,” he recalled.
By the time he got to middle school, which in South Korea would be around the ages of 12 to 15, Heeseung said he was no longer as outgoing as he used to be.
“I became more of an introvert. I haven’t thought about that in a long time. It hurts to bring it back up,” he said.
Heeseung will be releasing his first solo mini album Death of Me on Sept 7, and he was asked if what he experienced in his childhood shapes how he makes and expresses music.
He said there’s a line in the song Noise that ends with “Don’t give up dawn til night” and he explained: “I wanted to use the start of my music under the name Evan to tell people that good days do eventually come around.”
In the titular track and lead single Death of Me, he sings “[this] ain’t the death of me”, and he said it comes from a place of having “actually gone right up to the edge of death” himself.
“No matter how far down I went, I felt over and over that it was never really the end. I hope Ever (fandom name) hears that message and finds some hope in it,” he explained.
Heeseung was a contestant on the idol survival show I-Land, which premiered in June 2020.
He finished fifth and made it to the final lineup, debuting as a member of Enhypen in November that same year.
He left the group on March 10 amid promotions for their comeback to pursue his own solo career.
The sudden departure sparked protests across the globe both online and in person, which led his agency Belift Lab to assert his decision.
According to The Korea Herald, Belift Lab said they concluded that pursuing a full solo career outside the group would be the best arrangement for all parties involved.
Heeseung made his solo debut with the single Ride or Die on June 22.
‘I wanted to make music no matter what’
In the same interview with Weverse magazine, Heeseung also talked about his personal and creative vision and how important making music is to him.
“Honestly, it’s not something I’ve been especially conscious of in my life, but I had to be creating, and I wanted to make music no matter what. I was seriously eager. As an artist, I felt like I had to make the music myself, show it to people, and go beyond just the music to offer something visual, too,” he said.
Talking about another upcoming song Immature, he said there was a time when he tried to “hide” parts of himself that were “immature or fell short”.
“But there came a time when I had to face it all head-on. Once I actually admitted to myself that some parts weren’t enough, that thought started to feel second nature to me,” he said.
“I still have to work on those things, obviously, but no one in this world’s totally perfect. I feel like Ever will relate to that, too. It’s sort of exhilarating to just accept yourself for who you are. You feel a lot better once you say, ‘Yeah, I’ve got a lot to work on.'”
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