What’s the secret to a long-lasting marriage?
For Abdullah Abdul Talib and his wife Rahmah Kamil, communication is key.
“One word, communication,” Abdullah told the press at the Golden Jubilee wedding celebrations on Sunday (Feb 8).
“Communication is very important. Understanding is also very important,” he said.
The 78-year-old and his 69-year-old wife have been married for 52 years and counting.
Their story began in 1972 on a crowded public bus. While they didn’t know each other at first, the pair took the same bus every morning. It wasn’t long before Abdullah noticed Rahmah and became captivated by her.
He began offering his seat to her — a quiet gesture that became an unspoken routine for them for one and a half months.
Rahmah, however, switched jobs and stopped taking the bus.
This left Abdullah with regret, wishing he had mustered up the courage to speak to her sooner.
For three months, their paths never crossed again, until fate intervened.
Abdullah’s uncle stepped in as a matchmaker and introduced him to potential partners. Rahmah’s photo was the first to come up, and Abdullah recognised her immediately.
The pair instantly agreed to reconnect and registered their marriage two years later.
“It’s fated,” said Abdullah as he recalled the memories from over 50 years ago.
Together, Abdullah and Rahmah raised three children. And now, their tight-knit family has grown to include nine grandchildren.
The couple attributed their enduring marriage to two main principles: Living within their means and not letting financial struggles shake their unity, as well as having open communication and empathy.
“Once you understand each other, it will go a long way,” said Rahmah.
The couple also made it a rule to resolve disagreements promptly and never let arguments sit overnight.
“If you have done something wrong, be the first person to say sorry. Don’t wait for your partner to do it,” advised Abdullah.
Beyond words, he added that love should also be shown through actions and intent.
“To me, she’s the only one. Love can be very superficial. Sometimes you say you love [someone], but if you don’t put it into action, there’s no point. You just say ‘I love you’ but you don’t mean it,” he explained.
Sharing an example, Abdullah said he makes it a point to help change bedsheets and flowers in their house, because Rahmah is passionate about decorating.
From friends to lovers
Another couple celebrating over five decades of matrimony is 87-year-old Ng Tong Huat and 81-year-old Tan Lian Hwa.
Their relationship began when the pair, who were part of the same friend group, developed an interest in each other and started going on dates of their own.
Drawn to Lian Hwa’s gentle and easygoing personality, accompanied by her mother’s kind and patient treatment, Tong Huat engaged a matchmaker to formally convey his intention of marriage.
Together, the pair raised three children. They celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary in 2017 with their kids and extended family.
Speaking to the media, Tong Huat and Lian Hwa, who have been married for 59 years, shared that some of their happiest memories include travelling together with family.
Their two sons, who are pilots, flew them on trips, including memorable holidays to the US and South Korea.
But a lasting marriage doesn’t come without challenges.
Throughout their dating phase and marriage, the couple made it a point to face life as a team. They are accommodating and understanding towards each other, working together to overcome challenges.
Tong Huat and Lian Hwa addressed disagreements promptly and made a conscious effort not to hold grudges or carry unresolved issues into the next day.
However, their dynamic was tested when Tong Huat developed hearing difficulties and needed hearing aids around the age of 60.
This led to misunderstandings and arguments, as Lian Hwa did not like it when her husband raised his voice at her.
Despite the setback, the couple eventually found their footing, drawing on the principles they’ve lived by as a couple for the past decades.
They learned to be more patient and understanding with each other, recognising the importance of apologising when miscommunication arises.
“It’s just saying sorry,” said Tong Huat, adding that one of the most important things is to not let the argument carry onto the next day.
Celebrating 50 years of marriage
They are part of the many couples who were honoured on Sunday at the annual Golden Jubilee Wedding Celebrations, organised by the Families for Life (FFL) Council, the Registry of Marriages (ROM) and Registry of Muslim Marriages (ROMM).
Held at Fairmont Singapore, this year’s event spotlighted 184 couples who celebrated 50 years or more of marriage.
They were presented with a Golden Jubilee Commemorative Package comprising a certificate, gold medallion and congratulatory note, as well as a photo memento.
The couples also renewed their matrimonial vows in the presence of family and friends.
The event was attended by Guest of Honour President Tharman Shanmugaratnam, Minister for Social and Family Development Masagos Zulkifli and Acting Minister-in-charge of Muslim Affairs Associate Professor Muhammad Faishal Ibrahim.
“You have shown that when we stand by each other through the ups and downs of life, we can build strong marriages and strong families. Let this celebration serve as a beacon for both younger and future couples,” Masagos said in his opening speech.
“May your marriages stand as living proof of enduring love, inspiring others to hold on to these timeless values, build partnerships that will weather life’s challenges and reach their own golden jubilees.”
From Feb 14 to March 15, FFL will be running its annual initiative ‘I Still Do’ which celebrates love, commitment and marriage.
The campaign features curated couple-centric activities and promotions, such as the ‘I Still Do’ Sunset by the Beach event organised with the Sentosa Development Corporation.
During the Feb 28 event, 100 couples will engage in various activities such as watching the sunset and enjoying dinner by the beach.
ROM and ROMM to return to Canning Rise
ROM and ROMM will return to their original location at Canning Rise in 2029 following a four-year redevelopment that started last year, with expanded spaces for solemnisations, said the Ministry of Family Development.
The redeveloped building will have a gross floor area of 3,755 sqm — a 60 per cent increase in space over its original footprint. It will also feature larger and enhanced spaces for solemnisation ceremonies, surrounded by Fort Canning Park.
Some key features of the redeveloped Canning Rise Building include the iconic pitch-frame facade, which pays homage to the site’s original architectural character.
Other features are enhanced solemnisation spaces such as a two-storey rear extension, which will increase the capacity of solemnisation slots, spacious indoor solemnisation rooms with warm timber detailing and garden-facing backdrops, as well as a Garden Terrace for outdoor ceremonies.
For couples who are looking to register their marriages during the redevelopment period, ROM and ROMM solemnisations will be held at level 3 of the Esplanade Mall.
Since opening in April last year, the interim venue has hosted almost 6,000 solemnisation ceremonies.
Alternatively, couples may also book Ficus Room @ Gardens by the Bay for their solemnisation ceremonies.
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