Gwyneth Paltrow is shedding light on how the “conscious uncoupling” phrase — which she and ex-husband Chris Martin used to announce their split — initially came to be.
Appearing on a recent episode of the “Friends Keep Secrets” podcast, Paltrow, 53, recalled how it was consideration for their children’s wellbeing as she and the Coldplay singer called it quits that led them to the concept. (Paltrow and Martin, who were married from 2003 to 2016, share two kids, daughter Apple, 22, and son Moses, 20).
“We really sat down and thought, ‘Is there a way that we could do this?’ Paltrow said on the podcast. “Because — this is very me — but when I was getting divorced, I was like, ‘How do I do this?’”
Paltrow recalled asking her friends who grew up with divorced parents for advice, specifically investigating what the worst aspects of that situation were so she and Martin, 49, could attempt to avoid the same pitfalls in their own family.
“I said, ‘Tell me what was the worst thing. What do you feel you have scars from to this day?’” she said. “And they said, ‘You know, it wasn’t really so much the divorce, ‘cause you’re a kid, and yes, of course, the idea of it is terrible, but you sort of get used to that quickly.’”
The Sliding Doors star explained that many people shared that it wasn’t the divorce itself that was the most difficult, it was the tense dynamic between the parents in the aftermath.
“‘My dad used to drop me off at the end of the driveway. It was so tense at my birthday parties. They never ate dinner in the same room until my college graduation and it caused me so much pain,’” Paltrow said of her friends’ experiences. “So I was like, ‘How could we not do that?’ Is there a way where you can sort of circumvent all of that awful stuff when no one is in the same room and get to the graduation where you’re all having dinner at the same table.”
Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin. (Photo by Charley Gallay/Getty Images for Entertainment Industry Foundation)
Paltrow explained that her and Martin’s attempts to avoid such a tense dynamic led them to seek help from a therapist, which is where the concept of “conscious uncoupling” was first proposed.
“So Chris and I had this therapist that was really brilliant, and he sort of introduced us to the concept and we just made a commitment to really put the kids first and so what that meant was to stay a family even though we weren’t a couple,” she said.
After Paltrow and Martin publicly announced their divorce, using the term “conscious uncoupling,” it created worldwide headlines and the phrase has since been adopted by many.
Appearing on Erin and Sara Foster‘s “The World’s First Podcast” in April 2025, Paltrow reacted to becoming synonymous with the term.
“I don’t mind being the poster child for it,” The Goop founder said. “What I think was interesting was how upset it made people when it happened.”
Paltrow explained that she believed the term was “triggering” to some people who didn’t have an amicable relationship with their exes.
“I think it’s hard to hear that if there was a very painful situation in your life that you could have done something potentially to make it less difficult,” she continued. “It’s a hard thing to look back. I have a lot of understanding for people who were triggered by it. I get it. But at the same time, I don’t regret it at all.”
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