Who better to get marriage advice from than someone who has the family you aspire to have?
In a recent episode of The Couple’s Classroom podcast, hosted by Yes 933 radio DJ Hazelle Teo, 32, and her 26-year-old pianist fiance James Wong, local actress Evelyn Tan was invited to share marriage advice.
Evelyn, 51, has been married to 53-year-old actor Darren Lim for 30 years and they have four children: Daughter Kristen, 21, and sons Jairus, 19, Way, 17 and Elliot, 13.
“We thought it would be absolutely perfect to have someone [like you] on board, especially because you have the exact number of kids I wish for,” explained Hazelle.
“There’re so many things happening, how do you navigate all of that?”
Evelyn revealed her relationship with Darren wasn’t always smooth sailing – they were “very different people” and her father had not approved of Darren in the beginning.
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“It took time to convince him (her father) that we are serious about each other,” recalled Evelyn.
She and Darren also took time to reconcile their differences before marriage, she added.
They dated for six years to “make sure” they worked out all their differences before they confirmed “this is really for keeps”.
There was no particular ‘lightbulb’ moment where she felt Darren was the one; rather it was a process of asking herself the same questions and sensing if anything was amiss.
And despite the careful approach to their relationship before marriage, there were still some adjustments they needed to make after they tied the knot.
Evelyn laughed as she talked about their minor squabbles about using too many tissue papers, how to squeeze their shared toothpaste tube and whether to keep the toilet seat up or down.
“After getting married to him, I realised, ‘You’re so fussy, I didn’t realise it when I was deeply in love with you for the last six years. Why didn’t I see it before?'” she said.
Things like that still happen, but she added: “Thankfully we’re still in love with each other.”
Hazelle asked how long the shift took from adjusting to each other’s differences to reaching a level of understanding and acceptance.
“We always tell couples that when we quarrel, it is always with the intention for clarification, understanding and communication,” said Evelyn.
They’ve had a lot of moments of “intense communication” or rather, quarrels, as some would put it.
“When you reframe it and think about it positively, it’s really just communication. We want to communicate to each other what we really feel, how what you said has affected me and why certain things need to be done this way according to my perspective,” she explained.
“I think because of these constant quarrels and intense communications, that we were able to get on better.”
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