Over the years, I’ve had a front-row seat to more affairs than I care to count.
Not because I’ve been having them, I should add, but because being a dating columnist means people confess things to me that they probably wouldn’t tell even their closest friends.
True story: I had to pause my weekly ‘saucy secret’ confessionals on Instagram because I was flooded with so many cheating stories that I started to get a little bummed out by the whole thing.
Is anyone monogamous anymore?
Anyway, after listening to countless tales about married men and the women they’re sleeping with, I’ve noticed the same pattern play out time and again.
In so many cases, the other woman becomes convinced that he is going to leave his wife and end up with her. To be fair, this is usually because the bloke has spent months promising that he will.
Tess Crosley (pictured) risked her marriage and betrayed her friend – but she didn’t get the man
But it almost always ends one of two ways.
Either the married man breaks off the affair and returns to his wife, or his marriage collapses and he still doesn’t end up with the other woman.
The stories of men riding off into the sunset with their mistresses are becoming vanishingly rare.
What instead happens, in my experience, is he dusts himself off post-separation and starts afresh with an entirely different woman.
For a rather timely example, may I point you in the direction of AFL star Lachie Neale?
For those not up to speed, following his alleged affair with his wife Jules’ best friend, Tess Crosley, the former Lions skipper now looks to have moved on with someone without any of the baggage of his messy end to last year.
Oh, Tess. The cynic in me suspects she must be absolutely spewing.
After blowing up her own marriage to husband Ben and betraying her friend – Jules’ words, not mine – she didn’t even get the guy in the end.
Lachie Neale is now rumoured to be dating Emma Field (pictured)
The infamous Grand Final photo taken at the height of the alleged affair
Recent reports link Lachie to advertising professional Emma Field, a glamorous brunette who looks strikingly similar to Tess… only without the unfortunate association with one of football’s messiest marriage breakdowns.
And there are photos to back it up: the two were seen looking cosy at Brisbane Airport, having just flown back from Melbourne, where Emma had been spotted cheering him on from the stands at several games.
To be clear, Lachie has never publicly confirmed the alleged affair with Tess – nor has he denied it. He did, however, admit that he had ‘let his family down’ and apologised for his actions following the collapse of his marriage.
Whatever happened last year – and bearing in mind Tess’ family has cryptically alluded to there being two sides to the story – what is clear is that Lachie wants the entire saga firmly in his rear-view mirror.
He isn’t playing happy families with Tess, the woman he supposedly began courting at the gym behind his wife’s back. He isn’t trying to ‘make an honest woman of her’, as the old saying goes.
He’s out of there. Done. See ya later. New phone, who dis?
Let this be a warning to anyone entangled with a married man: you may think you’re auditioning to become the next girlfriend, but there’s every chance you’ll end up as a stepping stone on the way to someone else.
Stepping away from this particular saga, one former mistress told me that once their affair came to light, her married lover could barely stand to look at her.
As his divorce became increasingly ugly, he began drinking more and started blaming her for the consequences of his own actions.
Their relationship finally came crashing down when he screamed at her: ‘You’re the reason my wife got the holiday house!’ Ouch.
Daily Mail columnist Jana Hocking (pictured) has a theory on why the mistress never gets the man
She’d spent the entire affair believing they were moving towards a future together, only to become the woman he blamed when dismantling his marriage became expensive.
And that, right there, is where so many affairs come unstuck.
While the mistress associates her lover with excitement and the promise of a fabulous new life, he begins to associate her with legal bills, fraught family matters and what he stands to lose in the divorce.
And a word of warning to the next woman who comes along: if your charming new boyfriend’s last relationship imploded over infidelity, go in with your eyes wide open.
His past doesn’t guarantee that he’ll do the same thing to you, but it does provide some rather useful intel about what he is capable of when temptation arrives.
And trust me, for a famous footballer, temptation is unlikely to be in short supply.
I’ve listened to enough confessions over the years to know the mistress always thinks she’ll be the exception. Chances are, the new girlfriend does too.
Personally, I’d be questioning whether any relationship that demands that much vigilance is worth the spike in cortisol.
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