Help! I Can’t Stop Scouting!
Dear Remy,
I literally can’t go anywhere without thinking in terms of cinematography.
It’s not a weird obsession though (at least I don’t think it is)—I’m a location scout. I’ve been to every continent on the globe—and once even got chased by an angry bearded seal in the Arctic. I managed to fend him off with my telescopic tripod. That’s not a euphemism.
But while I can’t get enough of staring at horizons and thinking about panoramic composition (not to mention thinking about distance to the nearest Barry’s Boot Camp for our fitter cast members), my friends are all getting sick of it.
No one will travel with me anymore, and the last time I had a cross-country drive with my sister to see our parents in Tacoma, she made me vow silence before she even started the engine. It lasted one hour. At my cousin’s wedding, instead of dancing, I wandered off to scout the barn for a moody romance scene. The best man found me crouched behind a hay bale, testing camera angles with my phone.
I’ve realized that I haven’t been on a real vacation in the last seven years… and it’s dawning on me that it might be because I’m impossible to travel with.
Remy, I can’t help being passionate about my job, and I take pride in being “on” at all times. But is there something in my friends and family telling me to cool it?
Yours,
Vocation: Location
Dear Vocation: Location,
Your ability to see cinematic potential everywhere is a gift—but one that’s running amok. You’ve become the cinematic version of the person who brings spreadsheets to a picnic.
What if you made your next trip about disconnecting from work entirely? Ban yourself from saying phrases like, “This would be great for a…” and leave the camera at home. Let yourself notice things without the pressure to frame them.
Try something immersive, like a cooking class or snorkeling—it’s hard to scout a location when you’re underwater dodging jellyfish. And if all else fails, consider traveling with film buffs who enjoy hearing you wax poetic about perfect framing. Somewhere out there is a travel buddy who’ll happily test camera angles with you.
From my scenic backdrop to yours,
Remy
I’m Still Trying to Figure Out MySpace. Now I Have to Learn Bluesky?
Dear Remy,
Last year I turned 50 years old, but that’s not the problem I need to talk to you about.
The problem is that all my friends in the industry are moving from X/Twitter to Bluesky… and I simply cannot bear to wrap my head around yet another social media platform.
It’s not that I disagree with the principle behind why they are moving, it’s just that I am too old to manage another web address, another login, another profile setup, another set of phrases peculiar to that particular platform.
I had only just figured out the difference between “quote tweeting” and “retweeting.” Meantime, my daughter had to explain to me the other day that “Stories” on Instagram are not literally people telling stories. Apparently, people telling stories are called vlogs, which are not to be mixed up with blogs, which you might need a browser to upload but equally a Bluetooth connection would be fine—and a BBL is something different again and has nothing to do with internet slang.
Remy, I don’t remember everything moving this fast when we were younger. As a TV host, I knew where we stood: we made television, and it was either for a national broadcaster or a cable channel. That was it.
Can I opt out of this new social media exodus, or would it be career suicide to blacklist Bluesky?
Yours,
Overwhelmed In The Cloud
Dear Overwhelmed,
Social media platforms are like trendy bars—new ones pop up all the time, promising exclusivity and good vibes, but eventually, most of us just want to go back to the pub we know.
The real question is: what value does social media bring to you? If you’re not getting joy or meaningful connection out of it, why force yourself to keep up with every trend? Your audience loves you for your on-screen charisma, not your proficiency with hashtags or because you know that the “Bold Glamour” filter is SOOOO 2023.
What if you focused on the platforms you actually enjoy—or at least tolerate? People connect with authenticity, not algorithms.
Finally, skywriting isn’t a bad idea. A bold “Watch My Show!” over Times Square might be just the sort of analog stunt this digital age needs.
With good vibes from whichever part of the internet you choose to read this,
Remy
I’m a Gay Actor But Keep Getting Cast in Straight Roles. What’s Wrong with Me?
Dear Remy,
I’m a gay actor who keeps getting cast as dashing, heterosexual romantic leads.
It has never bothered me to “play it straight.” It was an exhilarating challenge and I’m good at it—whether it’s a Regency gentleman in breeches confessing his love beneath a peony-covered gazebo, or a thrusting alpha finance bro.
The problem is: I’ve just reached a whole new global audience with a really high-profile role (yet another straight guy), and I feel… guilty. There are now hordes of straight women on every continent who have become fans of mine—I’ve been shown the chat rooms and the TikTok comments by my team. In an odd way, I feel like I’ve deceived them all, and that their adoration is based on lies.
I haven’t hidden who I am — I’m “out” and in a happy relationship with my boyfriend — but I also haven’t exactly rented a billboard saying, “NOT ACTUALLY STRAIGHT.”
What should I do?
Yours,
Confused By My Fan Club
Dear Confused,
Acting is a gift. It allows you to bring stories to life and touch people’s emotions in profound ways. Your fans aren’t in love with you, the person—they’re in love with the fantasy you help create.
And that’s okay. Fantasy has its place in the world. Your fans aren’t imagining themselves at home with you while you tackle your sudoku and catch up on emails—they’re picturing being wooed by the finance bro or the virulent Darcy-esque character you embody on screen. Showbusiness has a long history of queer men “playing it straight”—look at all those ’90s boy bands! But we’re in an era now where people are allowed to live in their truth a little more. You are out in real life, and that’s the thing to hold on to.
Could you let yourself enjoy this disconnect without guilt? You’re not deceiving anyone; you’re doing your job—and doing it so well that it inspires others. When the time comes for a role that reflects your full truth, you’ll captivate audiences in a whole new way. Until then, I don’t think you need to be setting aside funds for a billboard just yet.
Sending you good wishes for a growing and open-minded fan base,
Remy
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Remy Blumenfeld is a veteran TV producer and founder of Vitality Guru, which offers business and career coaching to high performers in media. Send queries to: [email protected].
Questions edited by Sarah Mills.
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